God has been teaching me and showing me a lot of cool things about myself. I am learning to love: To love God, others, and myself (for once). I have been trying to figure my life out but it’s not really possible. This is not my deal. The passions that I have are over whelming me and in turn, overwhelm my mother as well. I have decided to dream big. I am pursuing student teaching in Spain, which is so scary and exciting at the same time. Somewhere between here and there I grew up. I remember living in Juniata playing on the front porch with La, my kitchen, and the playschool washer and dryer. I remember being so excited when it was summer time and heading to Gram and Pap’s for vacation that lived a mile away. Now I set my sight half way across the World. I am driven and I am thankful for that. For now my heart is truly, seriously, sincerely in Mexico. I pray for my heart to be broken by the things that break the heart of my Lord. I would have never guessed He would have used a child in Mexico to do it. 59 days until I arrive at that little Orphanage in San Luis Mexico again, but whose counting. My heart will continue to be broken. But I am challenged, Can I see Beauty through brokenness? Those children have joy. They have joy with nothing but hope from the Lord. Where is my joy? I long for pure Joy. Pure Joy does not come through a materialistic money hungry society. It comes from the Lord. I have been bothered a lot lately with the “I want it all” outlook of life. I am at fault. It is the society that we live in; I am challenged to turn away from this everyday of my life. Where does my hope come from, my hope comes from Christ alone. I will choose to seek first His kingdom. This may be way off but I remember those little Mexican jumping beans that we would go to sheetz and buy at the beginning of summer when I was little. Dang, they were so annoying. All you would hear was click click click all day and night long. I still got them; they were my pets I used to bathe them with dial soap. I can still smell the soap. Ha-ha maybe God placed my passion for Mexico in my heart way back then. I miss those little beans; I might look them up and see if I can get another. Just wait ill dream about them tonight.
So, these big dreams that consume my life. Have I always had big dreams? God places these ideas on my heart and I must chase after them whole-heartedly. Geneva has taught that to me. I must be whole-heartedly chasing after Christ. It is not easy everyday but this is how I am stretched. I was just talking to Ryan the other day about doing things great. We recently went to a leadership conference called Catalyst. AMAZING. Again, I am thankful. The idea of good being the enemy of great was talked about. It is so true. Doing something good is okay but doing something good that has the potential of being great it not okay. I would rather do one thing great than twenty things just good. I will be wholehearted. I remember one day when I was little sitting for hours making a picture frame out of black construction paper and pieces of chalk with a picture of Micah and I in it. I worked whole-heartedly on that. In my eyes that was something I did great. Actually, when I was finished I remember both mom and dad being so proud of my artwork that it hung on the refrigerator for years and years. I am so thankful for such supportive parents. Everything I did in their eyes was great and they still make me feel that way today. Even things that I just did good, was great in their eyes.
I could not have been blessed with better parents. They are my support system. I know that they love me. There are so many stories that I hear today about parents who are non-existent. I don’t know what that feels like. Every ballet recital, every band function, and every time I need them to be here or there I know they won’t let me down. I am exceptionally thankful for that love.
It is crazy how the things I am learning and the things that I miss come together through memories and passions. Maybe don't have to miss them at all.
